Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There r osticjed everywhere
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
