was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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