This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
