had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
