I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
