You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
