She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
