Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
