first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I use my feet as sexual weapons
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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