How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
