She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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