what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
either way he was missing a nipple.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Are we still banned from the library?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
