i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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