He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I look better un-naked...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
