I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
