My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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