who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
