I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
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