He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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