i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
