get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
