I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
