Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
