Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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