If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
