We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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