I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
