Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
