well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
