It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
