covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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