You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
