I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I cut my penus on the lid.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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