Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
