I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
