so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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