Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
