apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
