I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
