just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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