$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
