Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
