tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
where are you?
Hypothermia
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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