my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
