I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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