Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
