After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
