I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
