and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
