omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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