No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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