2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
